Advice to young couples, Part 2

If you're already married, you can skip this one. If you're planning your honeymoon, read on.

Be careful with your honeymoon plans.

I strongly suggest you give careful consideration to where you go on your honeymoon. Please don't go somewhere you may never visit again. If the choices are Europe or Eureka Springs, please go to Eureka Springs. Put the money you save in a CD and visit Europe for your fifth or tenth anniversary.

Here's the reason. If you go to someplace you may never be able to visit again, you'll spend most of your honeymoon rushing around trying to see everything. After all, you'll probably never be back, so you have to see it now, right? Even worse is if you have a tour package that requires you to be in Paris on Tuesday and Berlin on Wednesday.

Go someplace nice for your honeymoon, but make it someplace that you can relax and enjoy. As odd as it sounds to you right now, you probably won't spend every minute of your honeymoon in bed. Go someplace where you can stroll down a street hand-in-hand, now and then popping into a quaint little shop. Or maybe a country inn with woodsy walking trails. Even go somplace with a few tourist attractions, but make sure that you aren't going to worry about whether you will ever see them again or not. Then, if you decide to take in an attraction on a lazy afternoon, you can do so. But if you decide to sit beside the hotel pool and talk, you can do that, too.

So what are my personal choices in this part of the country? Eureka Springs would be just about perfect. Consider the Denver or Colorado Springs area. Perhaps the Black Hills. If you like the shows, how about Branson? Las Vegas is a really inexpensive (and fun) destination if you don't gamble. Need to spend even less? Consider Omaha or Kansas City.

I hear you asking how well I followed this advice. Norma and I were married on the Saturday before Thanksgiving. My sister was home on leave from the Navy for our wedding. So, we spent one night in Hutchinson, a couple of nights at her apartment in Great Bend, a couple more at my apartment in Salina, then we went to my parents' house for the holiday. Some honeymoon, eh? And yes, we had two apartments. These days, couples move in together and then (sometimes) marry later. We had to be different. We married in November, then didn't move in together until Christmastime. Job reqirements kept us apart, but the weekends sure were a blast!

Advice for young couples, Part 1

I'm sure young couples (newly married or contemplating marriage) don't want my advice, but that's never stopped me from giving it. Herewith, my first bit of advice.

Fight Fair.

"But wait," you say. "We don't intend to ever fight." Of course you don't, but any two people are going to have differences of opinion at times. You and your mate won't always agree on everything, as impossible to believe as that is right now. When you do disagree, you have a choice to allow that to come to a knock-down-drag-out fight, or a simple bit of unpleasantness that you can get past ... and in the process become stronger in your union.

So how do you "Fight Fair"? (And yes, I know that's not good grammar. But it sounds better than "Fight Fairly".) Well, here are my rules.

1. Never make the disagreement personal. That means no name calling, no insults. Examples of illegal statements include:

• That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
• Only an idiot would think that way.
• You wouldn't say that if you had any brains.

2. Discuss only the issue on which you disagree. No bringing up of past disagreements. And especially avoid blanket statements such as, "You always ..." or "You never ...".

3. Keep your voice down, and disagree like adults. Sit down together, look each other in the eye, wait until the other person has finished a thought before you start talking, and do everything you can to make sure you're at least seeing the other person's viewpoint, even if you don't agree.

4. It's OK to let your kids see you disagree, IF you are able to do so properly. One of the great teaching moments I had with my kids was one time when my wife and I disagreed. We were sitting in the living room, discussing the matter with some enthusiasm, but not shouting. After a bit, I realized that my young children were sitting quietly, watching us with wide eyes. I realized that they hadn't ever seen us discuss something this animatedly. I turned to them, and we talked about it. I told them, "Grownups do sometimes disagree, and there's nothing wrong with that. The big thing is how they deal with it. Your mother and I love each other very much, and a disagreement isn't going to change that." We had a family "group hug", and I think they learned something that day. I hope they will remember it someday when they have a difference of opinion with a spouse.

Some couples are afraid of disagreements and avoid discussing them, fearing that they somehow mean they don't have a strong relationship. Other couples allow differences of opinion to blow way out of proportion, culminating in a shouting match, or perhaps physical violence. The proper course, in my opinion, is in the middle. Talk it out, but don't let it get out of hand.

On the lighter side, I often tell people that I handle the big decisions in our marriage, and Norma handles the little ones. Little ones: Where we should live, how we should spend our money, which jobs we have, etc.. Big ones: What to do about the war in Iraq, the illegal immigrants, Iran, the Federal deficit, etc..

Benjamin Franklin on arranged marriages

During a visit to a Moravian church at Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Mr. Franklin inquired about their customs for arranging marriages. On being informed of how such things were handled, he says:

I objected, If the Matches are not made by the mutual Choice of the Parties, some of them may chance to be very unhappy. And so they may, answer’d my Informer, if you let the Parties choose for themselves.—Which indeed I could not deny.

Nor can I.

Benjamin Franklin again

Another quote I liked from the Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin:

...in walking thro' the Strand and Fleetstreet one Morning at 7 a Clock I observ'd there was not one shop open tho' it had been Daylight & the Sun up above three Hours. The Inhabitants of London choosing voluntarily to live much by Candle Light, and sleep by Sunshine; and yet often complain a little absurdly, of the Duty on Candles and the high Price of Tallow.

Benjamin Franklin's Autobiography, Part 2

Another quote, then I promise I'm done for today.

...and upon other Occasions I was generally a Leader among the Boys, and sometimes led them into Scrapes, of which I will mention one Instance, as it shows an early projecting public Spirit, tho’not then justly conducted. There was a Salt Marsh that bounded part of the Mill Pond, on the Edge of which at Highwater, we us’d to stand to fish for Minews. By much Trampling, we had made it a mere Quagmire. My Proposal was to build a Wharf there fit for us to stand upon, and I show’d my Comrades a large Heap of Stones which were intended for a new House near the Marsh, and which would very well suit our Purpose. Accordingly in the Evening when the Workmen were gone, I assembled a Number of my Playfellows, and working with them diligently like so many Emmets, sometimes two or three to a Stone, we brought them all away and built our little Wharf. The next Morning the Workmen were surpris’d at Missing the Stones; which were found in our Wharf; Inquiry was made after the Removers; we were discovered & complain’d of; several of us were corrected by our Fathers; and tho’ I pleaded the Usefulness of the Work, mine convinc’d me that nothing was useful which was not honest.

Benjamin Franklin's Autobiography

I've just started reading the Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. I'm sure it will be a wonderful source of new quotes. Here, the first two of what will probably be many.

In the introduction, he talks about how God has blessed him greatly. He's "...gone so far through life with a consderable share of felicity..."

That Felicity, when I reflected on it, has induc’d me sometimes to say, that were it offer’d to my Choice, I should have no Objection to a Repetition of the same Life from its Beginning, only asking the Advantages Authors have in a second Edition to correct some Faults of the first. So would I if I might, besides correcting the Faults, change some sinister Accidents & Events of it for others more favourable, but tho’ this were deny’d, I should still accept the Offer.

In section 4, he relates a story passed down from his grandfather's day about the perils of being Protestant in a Catholic country:

This obscure Family of ours was early in the Reformation, and continu’d Protestants thro’ the Reign of Queen Mary, when they were sometimes in Danger of Trouble on Account of their Zeal against Popery. They had got an English Bible, & to conceal & secure it, it was fastened open with Tapes under & within the Frame of a Joint Stool. When my Great Great Grandfather read in it to his Family, he turn’d up the Joint Stool upon his Knees, turning over the Leaves then under the Tapes. One of the Children stood at the Door to give Notice if he saw the Apparitor coming, who was an Officer of the Spiritual Court. In that Case the Stool was turn’d down again upon its feet, when the Bible remain’d conceal’d under it as before.

There's little question that I will enjoy reading the rest of his work. Stay tuned for more quotes.

More on the Gravel road

I was in SL last night, and Astrophysicist McCallister (the leader of the Official Gravel HQ in SL) contacted me with urgent business. He said he hadn't paid me for the yard signs, and they were in fact using them, so he wanted to pay me. I allowed as how I'd price them using the same formula as I did for the t-shirts (i.e. X times the retail price), and he promptly paid me that exact amount. He said he'd spent the entire day doing damage control. After I read the post he referred me to, I understood why he was so anxious to pay me and why his day was so bad. You can read about it here:

http://secondchoices.wordpress.com/2007/05/21/has-mike-gravel-sold-out/

Apparently everything's OK with me doing work for him, since I've charged him (and he's paid) my "usual and customary" fee. It doesn't hurt that I'm a citizen of these United States. It all gets very complicated, but because this is an official presence in SL, it falls under the Federal Election laws, and they just aren't quite up-to-date on things like SL. Astro is breaking new ground, and I'm a part of it in my own little way. Who knew I'd be part of something so important?

A true description of Kansas ... from someone in Massachusetts!

From a speech delivered on the US Senate floor on May 18, 1856 by Senator Charles Sumner of Massachusetts:

"Take down your map, sir, and you will find that the Territory of Kansas, more than any other region, occupies the middle spot of North America, equally distant from the Atlantic on the east, and the Pacific on the west; from the frozen waters of Hudson's Bay on the north, and the tepid Gulf Stream on the south, constituting the precise territorial centre of the whole vast continent. To such advantages of situation, on the very highway between two oceans, are added a soil of unsurpassed richness, and a fascinating, undulating beauty of surface, with a healthgiving climate, calculated to nurture a powerful and generous people, worthy to be a central pivot of American institutions."

Michael Moore on my blog twice in one day?

Not ten minutes after I made a prior post that mentiond Michael Moore, I came across the following news story. Once again he's managed to shoot off at the mouth concerning something about which he is totally clueless. Imagine that.

http://www.thelocal.se/7363/20070521/

Counterfeit Christian Church? How to tell

A list called 8 Characteristics of a Counterfeit Christian Church is available at:

http://www.mrm.org/topics/introductory-issues/8-characteristics-counterfeit-christian-church

Check your church against that list.

Conservative inspiration from Michael Moore

An interesting article today in The Daily Standard.

http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/013/658rvful.asp

Academic freedom is in grave danger at most publicly-funded colleges and university.

On honesty

At a fast food place the other day, the guy ahead of me ordered water. The cup he was given is different from all the other cups, so I know that's what he ordered. When I got my food, I went over to the drink dispensers, and there he was, filling his "water" cup with Dr. Pepper.
In a small way, it's just the same as insurance fraud or lawsuit abuse. The big problem is that it raises the price of everything for everyone. One little cup of Dr. Pepper isn't going to break the restaurant, and that's certainly how his thinking went. But multiply it by a few thousand people across the chain, and it adds up to a "shrinkage" line on the books that has to be covered.
The one time our house was broken into, we ended up with nothing missing. Our TV had been disconnected, and was sitting in the middle of the living room floor, like the crooks had intended to take it. In a way, I wish they had. It was old, it was not working well, and we ended up replacing it within a few months of the break-in. Someone joked that I should have hauled it to the landfill and reported it as missing to the insurance company. At least I hope he was joking. Any time something is taken and not paid for, whenever an expense report is padded, any time an insurance claim is added to ... we all pay.
Come to think of it, we all pay in more ways than just the cost of the shrinkage, too. Have you seen the number of security cameras at the new Wal-Mart store? I once counted. When I'm in the parking lot, I can see 21 security cameras from one spot. And inside, there must be hundreds. It makes the place look like a prison. (And feel like one, too. Whenever I go in, I want to drag a tin cup across a set of bars, and yell "Let me out of here!") We've all paid for the cost of those cameras, their installation, and the salaries of all the people it takes to watch them. Every measure that has to be taken to prevent shrinkage and fraud costs us all money, too.
Just another rant about something I can't do anything about. Have a good Monday.

Patrick Henry

I've been reading Patrick Henry's "Give me liberty or give me death" speech, from March 23, 1775. Here are some quotes I particularly like, especially in light of my comments in a previous post about Senator Gravel and his ilk.

• ...it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut out eyes against a painful truth -- and listen to the song of that siren, till she transforms us into beasts.
• And what have we to oppose them? Shall we try argument? Sir, we have been trying that for the last ten years. Have we anything new to offer upon the subject? Nothing. We have held the subject up in every light of which it is capable; but it has been all in vain. Shall we resort to entreaty and humble supplication? What terms shall we find that have not been already exhausted? Let us not, I beseech you, sir, deceive ourselves longer. Sir, we have done every thing that could be done, to avert the storm which is now coming on.
• ...we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of nations; and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us. The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave. Besides, sir, we have no election. If we are base enough to desire it, it is now too late to retire from the contest.
• It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, peace, peace -- but there is no peace. The war is actually begun!
• Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! -- I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"

President Gravel?

From my Second Life work designing flags, yard signs and t-shirts for Presidential Campaigns, I was contacted by the man who is building the official Second Life campaign HQ for Mike Gravel, Democrat candidate for US President. I made some items for them, and was paid handsomely (although when it's converted to US dollars, it was a pittance). In the process of making these items, I had occasion to visit his website.

To put it bluntly, he's a nutcase.

Let's look at some of his stands on "issues":

• The War in Iraq: "Immediate and orderly withdrawal of troops followed by aggressive diplomacy." Does anyone believe that diplomacy will work with people who have the means to, and have vowed to give their lives to destroy the USA? Well, I suppose nutcases do.
• Iran: "Senator Gravel firmly opposes a military confrontation with Iran and advocates a diplomatic solution to the current situation." Instead, we must aggressively move to change the regime in Iran. Again, diplomacy (ala Chamberlain) will not work.
• A Fair Tax: "Eliminate the income tax and replace it with a progressive national sales tax." How, exactly, is a progressive tax "Fair"? A flat national sales tax (perhaps with a credit for those in poverty) is closer to fair, but there is no such thing as a fair progressive tax.
• Global Warming / Climate Change: "We must reduce America's carbon footprint in the world by passing legislation that caps emissions and improve [sic] energy efficiency while generating energy from low-carbon sources." Mr. Gravel has, like most other politicians, bought into the idea that global warming is some how the fault of humans, and can somehow be fixed by humans. It's a popular stance, and sure to get him lots of votes, but it's wrong-headed. Sure, we've got to protect our environment. On the other hand, it's wrong for humans to get so conceited as to think we have much to do with major climate change. The only good point in this statement is that he wants to promote the generation of energy from low-carbon sources. Guess what the best low-carbon source is? Nuclear. But he dare not say that word.
• Universal Healthcare Vouchers: "A National Health Care Voucher plan will provide health care for all Americans." This one is difficult for me, since I have excellent health care coverage at a minimal price. I do know that health care is a major problem for many Americans, but I'm not sure I want the federal government "fixing" it. Take a look at any program where the government has stepped in to "help". Agriculture, Welfare, Flood Control, Disaster Relief ... the list is nearly endless. You can count on the government to screw it up and then mire it in so many layers of bureaucracy and red-tape that it could never be "un-fixed". No thanks, nutcase.

Mike Gravel's big problem is name recognition. And that won't be fixed by him spouting the same crap as all the other Democrats.

When I was asked to do the signs for his HQ, the leader told me they would put up a sign acknowledging my help. I asked him not to. I pretended it was because I didn't want to give the impression that I was supporting any particular candidate while I'm trying to sell flags for all candidates. In reality, I didn't want to be seen as giving any support to Sen. Gravel's campaign. I don't mind making signs for a paying customer, but please don't let anyone think I agree with what the signs say!

UPDATE: I just got an e-mail from in-world that the Campaign HQ opens officially today. The note didn't include a SLURL, so I can't tell you where it is.

UPDATE again: Here's the SLURL for the Gravel HQ. http://slurl.com/secondlife/Digital%20Zion/112/110/26

James Dobson and the value of life

In the news this morning, it says that Dr. James Dobson has announced that he will not vote for Rudy Giuliani should Giuliani become the Republican nominee. Giuliani's stance on abortion is apparently so abhorrent to Dobson that he would rather vote for Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton, it seems. Dobson says he will actually abstain from voting if Giuliani is the nominee, but make no mistake: that is almost equivalent to voting for the Democrat.
I'm far from being ultra-right-wing, but I'm pretty much a conservative when it comes to fiscal matters. I'm fairly conservative on moral matters, but most true conservatives would consider me a raving liberal in that area, so I guess I come down in the middle somewhere. But I have a quirky point where I'm so right-wing as to deserve the title Dick Snyder used to hand out: "wing nut". That point is on the value of human life. I value human life so highly that I'm even opposed to the death penalty. So you can imagine how I feel about abortion.
Consequently, you might assume I'd be right behind Dobson, shouting, "Way to go!". But I realize that there are worse things than having a president who can't seem to make up his mind on abortion. And those worse things have names like "Obama" and "Clinton".
Quite often, in the voting booth, I'm figuratively holding my nose, and voting for the lesser of two evils. It happened in 2004. I didn't care for Mr. Bush, and I still don't. But I REALLY didn't care for Mr. Kerry. I still shudder to think what might have happened to this country if he had been elected. So, I held my nose and voted for Bush, and I'd do it again, if I had to.
I haven't decided who I'll vote for in November 2008, of course. I have a list of some people I won't vote for: Obama, Clinton, Gore, McCain, Brownback, Gravel (more about him in another post, coming soon), to name a few. And I may not particularly like who I finally do choose, but I plan to be there to cast a vote ... if not for a candidate, then certainly against one.

Picture from Spearville

This is my favorite picture from last Thursday's visit to the wind farm at Spearville. Looking west.

(Besides, it is an easy way for me to try embedding photos in my blog post.)

Vexillology

Did you know Kansas has two official flags? The traditional one is scorned as a "seal-on-a-bedsheet" by vexillologists. It ranked fourth from last in the 2001 survey of best state/provincial flags in North America. I've lived with it around me for nearly 48 years, and I must admit that it's not much of a flag. Those hardy pioneers were too busy surviving to bother with designing a decent seal or a flag, so it looks like something put together by a committee.
But hold the phone! On June 30, 1953, Kansas adopted a "banner", which is an official alternative to the State Flag. The link to a picture of it on the website of the North American Vexillolgical Association's website is below, if you're interested. Personally, I think it's beautiful, and I'm going to try to get my hands on a real one.
Here's the link. Enjoy!
http://www.nava.org/Flag%20Design/State&Provincial%20Survey%202001/surveywinners/kansas.htm

So this is blogging

If Wes (http://vagabondprofessor.blogspot.com) can do this, so can I!